So heres my story: Along this ongoing journey I've had mothers coming to me and telling me how I was "poster mom", "super mom", "the perfect mom". The thought of people thinking that literally knocked the wind out of me. I wanted to ask them if they were crazy or on what planet? I have this huge list of goals and expectations that I have set for myself to achieve that are literally just everyday things. I have led myself to believe that until this lifestyle is executed, I am inadequate. I would stare at this list every day telling myself, I'm never gonna get there. There are days that I think our lifestyle is dysfunctional and I think I'm the only mom out there who looks at the clock at lunch and is dying for a shower and sometimes it just doesn't happen- but I'm not. From the outside looking in we observe other moms around us to be "better" than us. We all struggle in our everyday and just because you can't see it on that specific day doesn't mean it doesn't exist. We are so quick to judge and compare ourselves to others. The mom in the grocery store who's three kids are all dressed perfectly, on their best behavior, her make up and hair is nothing short of fabulous, dressed in the cutest outfit and its 9:00am. I mean I'm not gonna lie I sit there and ask myself HOW?! When in all reality that could have been her first time in days to put make up on etc... If you think about it we all have our good days, but in motherhood everyday doesn't go as perfectly as we plan. It's only natural for us to publicly display the good things, I mean who is proud to show the world how messy her house is or how her baby has been screaming and crying for hours from teething or look how beautiful I am with my oily, un-showered hair and un-made up face. When these ladies came to me and confessed their assumptions of myself I wanted to cry. Literally. I use to feel so small next to the mom that I thought had it all together and there I was making another mom feel that same way. It made me ask myself that here on this blog am I being authentic? I mean sure this blog was dedicated to my little girl and a source for extended family to tune in, but its slowly turning into something more than that. So I am pushing myself to be REAL and share it all. I will admit there is a huge uneasy feeling when it comes to being vulnerable and exposing it all, so bare with me. I have fears that I will come off as negative or perceived as unhappy as a mother. After all motherhood may be tough, but it is the best, most rewarding thing I've ever experienced. So, I will do my best to show ALL of my colors.
3:00 pm- still no shower.
A few months after Addelyn was born, Jimmy admitted that he was jealous that I got to stay home. He thought I would get to sit on the couch all day and watch movies. Welllll after spending one day with Addelyn while I got to go have a "mommy day" he realized that it's far from that. He actually told me that taking care of Addelyn all day is harder than his job. So much goes in a days work as a mother and sometimes we can feel invisible. I know sometimes I sure do. The day goes by and I know I've done SO much and I look around and the laundry is piled high, dinner isn't ready, the house isn't clean. However I meal planned, grocery shopped, loaded and unloaded everything and put everything away. Addelyn was given 5 bottles, fed three meals, given lots of love and attention, diapers upon diapers changed, put down for three naps, bathed and put to bed, the list goes on. I got to at least shower and brush my teeth and everything may have not gone "perfectly" but Addelyn was happy and I was productive. At times it can feel so mundane and so easily we get caught up in needing to physically see what we've accomplished or achieved. I mean really sometimes we cannot do it all. It's a juggling game and its not about what you DIDN'T do, its about what you DID do- even if you can't see it.
If anything I want to share with the moms out there that if your feeling small your not alone. I want to share the resources that I've stumbled upon that have CHANGED MY HEART.
Read this mama's Confessions from The Busy Budgeting Mama.
I want you to know that you are not invisible.
Do you know who sees your efforts and tribulations? God does. God sees it. Isn't that amazing? I read this post from Faith and Composition. I was blown away, flabbergasted, floored. "Her job, nay her calling, begins before her feet even hit the floor. There is no commute to the office, no clocking in for motherhood. There is breakfast to tend, lunch boxes to pack, backpacks to gather. Urine-soaked sheets need stripping; there are dishes in the sink, and a pile of laundry litters the closet floor. This isn’t a glamorous role, and no one is applauding her this morning."
- When Mothering is Hard and No One Sees
Did you know that YOU are BRAVER than you know? These words RESONATE deep in my soul:
"You venture out into a ocean of vulnerability with only a small dinghy and two short hoars to keep you afloat, when you become a parent "
What does your music of motherhood sound like? Are your ears tuned to hear it? "You make the music that makes the life, that gives the rhythm to the day in and out and again."
"There is no part of your everyday wash and rinse and repeat routine that ISN'T significant."
"You are Braver than you know because you mother."
Is Satan stealing your joy as a mother? Is he reveling in your failures, your weakness? Read what Christie has to say about When Satan Steals Your Motherhood from Letters From The Nest.
Did you know that: "You are loved more than you will ever know, by someone who died to know you." -Romans 5:8
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. -John 10:10
Did you know that God, meets you where you are - a powerful message from Katie, reminding us to give it all to him. That he is waiting patiently to love on you. That with God there is nothing you can't handle. That there is NOTHING bigger than God. "Whether your atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, Christian, Mormon, or Jewish, he's there. Male, female, young, old, straight, gay, he's there. Rich or poor, He's there."
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corithians 12:9
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. - Jeremiah 29:11
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. - Romans 12:12
"While others might hear: diaper changer, food maker, laundry do-er, car pooler, bottle washer, sweat pants wearer, life on hold, wanna be doing anything else women. The truth is whether it feels like it some days or not, you are in fact a shelter from the storm. You are a cape of good hope. You are a warrior, who will do battle for your children's hearts, souls, attention, innocence, education and memories."
You are MIGHTY because YOU Mother.
Moms: I hope this empowers you and gives you strength and hope.
For those of you that aren't yet Mothers: We often don't begin to first fully appreciate our own moms until we become moms ourselves. I am guilty of this. Know that this is a tiny piece of your mothers heart. Tell her you love her!
Dads: I hope this opens your heart and mind to be curious in understanding how strong your wife or mother of your child-ren is and to be sensitive to the trials and struggles all mothers go through.
Even though every day is Mother's Day, Mother's day is just around the corner, do something special for your mom, wife, mother of your children, or even yourself because you deserve it- Because you Mother.
